To Chris

Hello everyone!

I haven’t blogged in a long time! I’ve had quite a few people ask why I haven’t been blogging. If I’m going to be completely open and honest, I must admit that some of the things I wrote caused me to do a lot of self-searching. I was going through a difficult, but healing time in my life, and I just couldn’t bring myself to write. However, God used the situations I was facing and now I feel like I am in a healthier emotional state! 🙂

On a lighter, move loving note, I’d like to talk about Valentine’s Day and my wonderful husband! I know Valentine’s day was a while ago, but it got me thinking about him and all he does throughout the year.

My husband and I have been married for 8 and a half years, and have been together for about 13. Even after having been together for so long, the pressure of Valentine’s Day still gets to us. For whatever reason, this past Valentine’s Day in particular threw me off. In fact, it turned me a tad bit crazy! I felt as if our day together wasn’t that special. Talk about pressure for my husband who is so loving, and does things to show me how special I am almost every day for the past 13 years! Luckily, the insanity only lasted for a moment before I caught myself.

Although it’s fun to celebrate love every February on the 14th, I am thankful for the little things my husband does that can sometimes go unseen or unrecognized outwardly by me. So, I dedicate this blog entry to my hard working, fun loving husband! Even when we go through hard times, I am thankful that he tries fix things and work on our problems to remind me that he loves me, and that I am worth fighting for! This is something that he does for me all the time that,  before him, I hadn’t been used to people doing at all.

 Warning : This may be long and mushy. Sorry.

One night, after the stressful Valentine’s Day weekend due to my love-holiday-induced insanity (Yes, I take full responsibility!), my husband and I were talking. To get our minds off the stressful weekend we’d just had, we started talking about when we first met and when I told him I liked him. Yes, I told him first!

We met at Polly’s Pies, where both of us ended up working. I had been working at one in Los Alamitos and because I was late a lot of the time, I was considering relocating to one closer to where I lived in Cerritos. I wasn’t sure exactly where that location was, and I hadn’t done much research on how to get there. While driving home form work one day, a random car side swiped me. If I hadn’t reacted as quickly as I did, I would have driven right off the freeway! Needless to say, It was a close call. It just so happened that the very first exit I took landed me right where Polly’s Pies in Cerritos was! I was a bit of a mess, so I called my dad, freaking out about how the door was stuck and I couldn’t get out of the car. He then had to remind me that I was in a mini van and could easily get out the other way. Oops. My excuse was that I was too shaken up to think straight. Granted, I most likely should have stayed on the freeway.

I walked into the restaurant crying, and asked the manager for the address so I could inform the police. He told me to let him know if I needed anything, and since I was still in my Polly’s uniform, I told him I needed a transfer and that was that!

I started working there a few weeks  later. It was the summer after I graduated high school, and I was supposed to go to college out of state. Soon after I began working there, this really handsome guy whom I instantly loved started working as a host. I was a server, and we became friends – sort of. I was trying to be nice to him because he reminded me of sad Eeyore. I adored him. As we got closer, I felt that I was going to marry him. I had never really thought about marriage,  kids or anything like that until I met Chris (by the way, that’s my husband’s name). We began talking even more and I found out through my friend Jennifer that he’d never had a girlfriend before! But, for me, things weren’t moving fast enough.

After a while of waiting, I thought maybe I was wrong… maybe I had misread the signs and we were just meant to be friends. I met someone else at a church event and this fellow and I started dating. During that time, Chris and I began to do devotions together as friends. We would read Ephesians and then email each other what we thought of each chapter, every day.

Somewhere around this time, I was asked to speak at a church event on Agape love. My testimony tied into that, since I was able to clearly see through my past how much God loves me. At this point, Chris wasn’t aware of my past, but I invited him to come hear me anyway. He almost missed it since he couldn’t find the church, but thanks to my little brother, who ran out and found him, Chris was there and heard almost my entire story.  For those of you that read my blog about the real reason I was taken from my mom, you already know that I didn’t start opening up about that for a long time, but he got a good idea of what I went through. I cannot even express how vulnerable I felt saying all of that in front of this guy who I liked so much! Afterwards, he gave me a hug. As I started walking down the stairs to go to the next activity, he yelled down to me, asking if I wanted to go to the movies the following Monday.

How I didn’t fall down the stairs with excitement, I’ll never know.

That same weekend, one of my friends, for some reason, decided to tell my foster parents that my ex boyfriend and I were getting back together, which was not true at all. They chose to come in while I was serving at work and confront me on the subject. I couldn’t take it anymore. I kept pointing to Chris saying, “We all know who I’ve liked for forever, so why would I do that?” Chris just confessed to me recently that he actually heard that conversation! I’m not exactly a quiet person. Anyway, after that I took him to a back station and let him know that I liked him. He told me he’d never had a girlfriend, but he liked me and wanted to take it slow. I then discovered that his rat died, so I bought him a new one and two days later he asked me to be his girlfriend after playing tic tac toe in the sand.

From that point on, I finally felt like someone understood me. I was not in a good place, and to this day I still say that the moment we got married and said “I do” is when a curse was broken off of me. I had so many people come in and out of my life, and I thought for certain that no one would choose to stay with me on purpose.

While I was still dating Chris, my foster parents decided to move to the East Coast. However, I felt the need to stay, so I got into a program for emancipated foster youth. It was very out of character for me to stay where it wasn’t comfortable, but it was the best decision of my life. I started becoming the real Randie, and I was learning to be on my own.

When I was still in foster care, one of my counselors told me I was doing well, but that some day when I got into a serious relationship I’d need to go back to counseling because issues that I’d never think would rear their ugly heads back into my life, would. She’ll never know how right she was. I kept trying to push Chris away and acting crazy. When I finally told him that I thought I needed to go back to counseling, he wanted to go with me.

Chris and I got engaged with about 3 years of dating behind us. The program we were in asked that if, when we were married, we would be Spiritual Life Leaders for them. So, we lived on site, leading Bible studies and acting as RAs for anyone that needed help. That was a time where my prized characteristic (being awkward) was able to truly shine.

We got married in 2006. At some point, I’ll be sharing the story of our wedding, to me our wedding is such a beautiful story in itself that I don’t even want to summarize what happened during my wedding, and the year leading up to it because it won’t do it justice.  SPOILER ALERT: My birth family (Karen and Aunt Barbara) were two of the ones who came back into my life (they were first). They explained why they were forced to not be a part of my life and then gave us a beautiful wedding.  I got to marry Chris, and have my family back in my life, one of the biggest blessings ever! I’ll save the rest for another blog entry, but I truly feel that this part of my life was like a fairy tale… the beginning of one, anyway. Okay, back to Chris! 🙂

I didn’t know at that point if I ever wanted kids. It took a lot of changes in my heart, and healing to realize that motherhood was something that I wanted. I didn’t feel capable of raising another human. What if I made the same mistakes my mom did? But, being mother has been more than a blessing.

I am so blessed by my husband. I felt like I needed to give some background on us, but there are so many details that would have taken way too long to write! I’ve already gone off on several bunny trails trying to thank him (See, there was another one!).

My husband makes me laugh. He accepts me for who I am, my brokenness, cracks, insanity and all. He has been patient with me and has helped me become the woman I am today. He stood by me all the countless times I tried to push him away, and he has loved me through each step of our lives together.

Chris, I am so in love with you and I love that you try to make me feel special every single day of the year, not just Valentine’s Day! Thank you for loving our daughter and I so much that you are willing to work as much as you can, and sacrifice a LOT so that I can stay home with our daughter. This is an incredible way you show your love to me. Thank you for fixing our car and spending your down time trying to better things around the house. You work all day, yet ask if I need a break, and you watch our daughter while I take one! You write me little poems. You tell me that I look good, even when I know I don’t and I need to wax my mustache.

I love you so much Chris, and I am so excited for our future! I am so thankful God put us together.