Hello Everyone! I want to let you all know that the RandieRoss blog will be going through a revamping period. When I first started this blog I was in a different place, which I think if we all look back on different seasons of our lives, we can all the say the same. When I first starting writing my blog, the goal was to give advice to others who may have not had the best upbringing. As I have been thinking and praying and coming into my own as a mom, to a now almost 2 ½ year old, I am realizing a lot. My past, which is my personal story, will always be a part of me, but it is for sure not what names me nor is it who I am. I do talk about it and I am very open with what has happened to me. It is not to say “hey isn’t this sad”, but to give hope to others. Really my life is so rich with so much (well besides money), but in all the other aspects I am overflowing. I am a stay at home mom, thanks to my hard working husband, yep we scrap by…barley, but I already mentioned we aren’t rich with money. Being a stay at home mom is something that is important to me due to events that happened to me with a babysitter (see some things from my past will still come up). Although I am a stay at home mom, I don’t feel like that is my only title. A little extra about me, I love to create pieces of art, I awkwardly really love Brittney Spears (my husband said he passed by her once and she smiled at him, and I literally teared up – please no need to judge, I get it), once a month I dream about my all-time favorite doughnuts, which are the crullers with orange frosting and a lot of times they are not that easy to find, I am blessed to have friends, both with kids and without, who I see regularly, I am blessed to be a part of an amazing church plant, and if I could I would throw glitter everywhere I go. So leaving that sentence on a high note about glitter (you’re welcome Maggie), my new blog name will be Glitter In The Ashes, once I figure out how to change it. I like the imagery of the ash from my past mixed with the sparkle of glitter representing my present shining through and how the glitter stands out more than the ash. I said I like the imagery, but I am not actually sure if it is true that glitter literally shines brighter than ash when they are mixed together, so I may test it.
I can only pray that my life now does not depict what happened to me as a child. Naturally, I will have quirks because of the things that happened and I will go through struggles and sad times, which everyone can relate to. Don’t get me wrong, I will still write about my journey of healing from the past, but I am realizing it is ok to shed light, or glitter (get what I did there?), in the midst of my journey and my writing doesn’t have to be so dark. Instead of this blog just being about advice for parents who didn’t have a good upbringing, although I still hope to encourage you in that area if it applies to you, I want to not only give hope, but hopefully I also throw in a bit of laughter with the things that happen in my life now, which most of the time involve my daughter and husband. I want to encourage you that if you had a hard life because of choices you made or things done against you, you can still find joy in life and you are not discounted. You can be different than what you feel you should be or what you or someone else named you. To you who think you can’t be a good spouse or parent, I am the proof that you can be different and I am here to tell you that you can be different too! I didn’t sound very humble in that last sentence because I am saying I am good spouse and parent, but you know what, I am. I have my flaws, but because of healing, setting boundaries, and finding joy in my past to look ahead, my flaws are manageable and they are more “normal” than what I could have had. My spouse and daughter are not in danger, so over all I think I am doing ok at this. A few months ago I couldn’t say that, because I felt I had to be kind of emo in my writing, well I am not emo (obviously, I just shared my love for Ms. Spears and all things glitter), and just because I write or talk about hard topics doesn’t mean I need to find this dark place in myself to depict it so you get the sense of what happened. To sum it up, life was hard, but I am thankful for who and where I am.
I looked back at my past posts and I am proud of each one. I am glad I can be open and vulnerable to what has happened, but who I am now was starting to fade. I kept thinking of the deep things from my past that I could write about to express how I have changed and they are deep and kind of sad things, and although that is not bad and there will be more blogs like that I am sure, because if I am going to blog about my personal life, there will be moments of that, I realized, I put myself in a box and labeled myself as this person with that sad past struggling to be a parent. Although that is true, my personality was not coming through. I have more to offer than that, I just needed to realize it. I take the sad stuff and often add humor in real life, I hope the people who really know me can say that is true. Sadly I hate emotion, and I am learning to allow it in, because it is important to not avoid it at all costs, but I like to laugh. I have been called Phoebe from friends before because I will tell a sad story, but my delivery seems comical (at times). It’s not because I try to be funny or that I am trying to say, “Look at me. I am broken!”, but it is because my story no longer has a hold on me. For some reason I felt this blog had to be so serious and I was not feeling drawn to writing any longer, because I was trying to be and depict my life in a way that wasn’t remotely showing who I am.
If you haven’t picked up on it, I had a hard upbringing, bad things happened. BUT that is the past and there is so much more to me than this sad upbringing. I am so thankful for my life and what happened because I am here, I have a wonderful husband, a beautiful daughter, and, like I said before, I am rich in so many ways. I love to share my story, but it’s because it is an honor to share where God has brought me, I wouldn’t change anything for that one reason. I really hope I encourage others. I will still share about my past, like a future blog will be sharing about my mom and where she is now, and let me tell you that story in itself brings me so much joy. I thank God for His hand of mercy on that situation and on our relationship.
When I started to blog I was lost like most new parents, especially someone who had their fair share of adults in my life while growing up who didn’t set such great examples. I now have so many people I look up to, who love and encourage me and my mom is one of those people now included in that. Heck I am still trying to figure my way around parenting and just adulting in general. It is hard and aren’t we all trying to figure it out? But I am realizing now while raising my daughter that I don’t want her to dwell on the bad things that happen, I want her to celebrate the good after and of course recognize and mourn the bad, but I want her to see the blessings and hopefully encourage others as well. So with all that nonsense said, I realize I was holding myself back from allowing who I am to shine through my words. You may like who is shining through and you may not, but I am just realizing I need to not dwell in a place that no longer has a hold on me.
If you have any questions, need encouragement, or prayer, please feel free to let me know.