10 Years Ago Today

Chris

Once upon a time, 10 years ago, today to be exact, I married my best friend, and as I like to say, a spell was lifted from me. I woke that morning excited and nervous like most brides, but I had a looming fear that Chris wouldn’t show up for the wedding like other brides that have the same fear cross their minds as well.

I want to explain my story, how I feel a spell was lifted, and how I am now 10 years in with the love of my life.  Trust me, this isn’t super sappy, actually probably more depressing, but, spoiler alert, I promise it ends well.

I was someone, through the time we were dating, that expected him to leave at any moment, and I felt like I was so unlovable, and everyone else in my life seemed to disappear. What would make him any different?  Chris, through our dating life for about 3 and half years, loved me… despite me.  I was insecure, and couldn’t see my worth, but he did. Let’s just get real, I was a mess, a mess I tell you!

Because of  all the stuff that happened in my life, and all the people that didn’t stick around, one could only look at the common factor of why everyone left, and that common factor was me.  I was too young to realize it wasn’t me but even with that insecurity, my life was an emotional mess of trying to make people love me, but wanting to push them away at the same time.  This is super cliché of course, but the truth none the less, and my Chris got the brunt of that.

I felt angry a lot, and looked for any reason for why this wouldn’t work.  I can’t express the feelings, and how much trying to push someone away, or constantly thinking someone is leaving you takes a toll on you, but it does.  In the same breath, I was co-dependent and only wanted to be with Chris.  I was sad when he wanted to do other things, and thought he just wanted to get away with me.  To be honest the way I was acting I wanted to be away from me.

This man took the time to have patience with me, and although some people laughed, he wanted to get in couples counseling before we were engaged (we were headed in that direction). He said he wanted to know how he could help me as well, especially with my fears.  When I had to go to counseling after being taken from my mom, my counselor said “Randie, when you get into a serious relationship things will come up that you have never felt before and you should get back in counseling.”  She was not kidding.  She was very kind in what she said, but I wish there was a more blunt warning, like “hey, you may be a crazy person for a bit.”  Oh geez.  So I did go back, with Chris along with me.

Our dating life was great, but when I look back I see this shell of a person that was so unhappy with life, yet this wonderful man saw through that.  My best friend Michelle (of almost 10 years in November) had seen me before we were friends, and then we met again 6 months after I was married and I was a different person.  By no means am I saying that I think marriage in itself made me better, actually I think it is usually the opposite. This is just proof of the spell releasing me. If we had mentors when we were dating, in my opinion someone should have told Chris to run.  Not because I am being hard on myself, but at times I was manipulate, clingy, and there was just a lot of crazy on my end.  Obviously I was pretty cool too, and had good qualities, but when you’re about to get married, you have to be willing to accept bad qualities, and at that time, I feel there were more bad then good.  Don’t worry I am pretty awesome now, and obviously very humble.  For someone reason, again, Chris saw through that.  That was risky.

During this time, leading up to me getting married my birth family (not my mom), who was kept away from me, found me.  My cousin Karen told me how proud of me she was and explained where they have been and why they weren’t around.  Not their doing and a story for another time, but they tried to get to me.  Believe it or not this is supposed to be a happy story, don’t worry it will get there.  I was starting to see people weren’t leaving me, in fact they were coming back, and my cousin said she was paying for the wedding.  With my cousin Karen acting as wedding planner and doing so much for my wedding, really all of it, along with my Great Aunt Barbara, My Uncle and Aunt, and my Grandpa, the stage was being set for a magical day, which a lot of brides dream of.  I never really dreamt of the day, or if I would even want to get married, but here we were.

My life was coming together, all my loved ones, MY LOVED ones, my real honest to goodness blood loved ones were there, and showed me unconditional love, while I was about to marry the man of dreams.

Luckily, I didn’t share my crazy too much with them, and I didn’t want to let them know, I just didn’t think Chris was going to show.  Not because he ever said anything like that, in fact he never did, it was always me just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It was 10am on June 23rd, 2006 and I was about to get my hair and makeup done, and my beautiful besties Kristin and Jennifer were with me.  I was told not to contact Chris, you know tradition and blah blah blah, but I don’t think they even knew what was happening in my head.  Today was the day, the day that I wanted to be Mrs. De Vesta, but was afraid I would not only lose the name, but my best friend because why would he commit his life to this hot mess? Please note I do see the crazy in this, and how I was, but that is kind of the whole point of where I will eventually bring it all together.

I snuck to my car because “I needed a minute,” and “forgot something in my car.” But I snuck out and called Chris.  I have a ton of hair, so sitting there to get my hair done would take forever. I called and said “really if you aren’t going to be there, please tell me now, I don’t want to sit there for hours.”  Oh my gosh, crazy person!  Of course he said, “I love you, and I will see you soon.” Love him.

I sat, got my hair done, got my dress on, got in the coolest car ever with my grandpa and we drove to the sweet little chapel in the Knott’s Berry Farm parking lot.  I sat there nervous, and just as I was about to get out of the car to go in the bridal suite, one of the groomsmen was running towards me at full speed.  I started to tear up, this was it, Chris ran away. He got to our seriously amazing car, and said “Randie….” and I interrupted with “did Chris leave?”  He looked at me with a funny smile and chuckled and said “no, we are in the suite so just drive around a bit so he doesn’t see you.” I almost died.

We lined up, everything was going perfect, except I walked in at the wrong time.  Long story (not that this isn’t now), but to all those who know me, yes, I am still bitter about that and it has been 10 years!  I need more help.  I walked down to a very smiling Chris and we said “I do.” He didn’t leave, he was there, he didn’t run away when, in my opinion, he really should have. And that is when the spell was broken.

First, I am kidding about the spell.  But I am not kidding about how it felt like on that day my life changed and this looming fear that hung over me was lifted.  I calmed down, I realized that he wasn’t going anywhere.  I then realized, hey, I get to come home to him ever night, it is ok for us to have friends and do things separately ( I am not talking about all the time, but remember I was crazy before, so even once felt like a lot).  I started to become myself, who I think I was always meant to be.  I started getting into serving at church, in places that Chris wasn’t, and building friendships.  My personality was better.. really. I wasn’t always looking so sad and depressed.

I am so thankful for Chris.  He stuck by me and showed me that I was worth all the crazy, and that I was worthy of love.  God used him as a tool to show me His love, and that I am way more special then all the hurt I have encountered.

Now here we are 10 years later.

Chris my  love.  We have been through so much, so much.  I want to thank you that you stood alongside me and helped me to see who I am, that God loves me, and that I am worthy of being loved.  Thank you for helping me become a stronger person.  We have had so many great times, and some really hard times.  In those hard times,  I want to thank you for again choosing me. Thank you for showing me this is not one sided, that I don’t just need you, but you need me.  I am so very proud of you. We were two young kids, and you have been an unbelievable husband and an amazing dad to our sweet silly little baby.  You realized things needed to change in certain areas and you have been amazing at making those changes happen, and for making those steps to change them, and for allowing me to take my time getting adjusted to our “new normal” (thank you Amanda for that). I love you so much, and I love where we are, I love that we are proud parents of a very sassy, independent, smart, caring, loving daughter.  I am so thankful that you kept me, and I kept you, and we are where we are now.  I now know who I am, and am ready to keep growing as I know you are as well. I feel like we can say “we lived happily ever after.” This to me is a fairytale.  There is nothing really fancy, no singing birds, and we didn’t ride off into the sunset.  Instead there are real disagreements, frustrations, cleaning up poop and pee (Arwen’s if anyone is wondering), exhaustion.  There is also laughter, love, so much love, prayer, fun and silliness all the time.  Chris this is real, and I wouldn’t want anyone else, and I wouldn’t want any Disney “fairytale.”  I love that ours is quirky and weird, but it’s ours and it is so very real.  I am so proud to be who I am today, and not be the same as 10 years ago, and I am so thankful that I am Mrs.  De Vesta.  I love you, and can’t wait to spend even more years together.

 

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I Have An Abnormal Amount Of Questions For The Shows My Daughter Watches

ThisI am realizing I am becoming a bit too interested in my Daughters shows.  I may need to take a break from them.  It is weird when you can’t wait to find the answers to certain questions on these shows.  I say that as everyone feels this way, I am hoping they do, but wouldn’t be surprised if I am alone in this silliness.  I am treating some of these shows as if it is Game of Thrones or something, and I can’t wait to find out what happens.  I recently got really giddy when on Doc McStuffins, Haley the Hippo (this sentence should be a clue I am too into this, I am not stating words a hippo said….a hippo), anyways, the hippo asked “Dottie” if she could call her Doc. I squalled with excitement to my husband and said “Oh her real name is Dottie? I was wondering that.” Question answered!  When my husband looked at me weirdly, I realized oh geez, I am a sad sad person. I then thought back and realized this is not the first time I have found satisfaction in finding answers to these obviously serious and very important questions I have had about these kid shows.  I have sadly googled other tidbits about these shows, like with Sophia the First.  Did I miss the first episode? Where do I find it? How did the king meet Sophia’s mom? They just meet and got married? If so why do the kids get a long pretty dang well? Where did Sophia get the Amulet, and the other kids don’t have one?  Where is Sophia’s dad, where are the Twin’s mom? The queen mentioned that she was said that the kings sister couldn’t be at the wedding, but was happy she was getting to meet her, when was that episode? Was there a wedding episode that I didn’t get to watch?!?!? OH MY GOODNESS SO MANY QUESTIONS, these thoughts are real and I can’t stop them.

I then get really deep when I think about some of the story lines, and have to realize, first off, this is a show, second off, RANDIE, THIS IS A KIDS SHOW!  Why doesn’t Doc just tell her parents that she can talk to stuff toys, I mean shouldn’t she trust her parents with that information?  I know things can be different when the “cameras are off” but  they seem to be really great, and I don’t think they would think she was going crazy.  I am pretty sure the Grandma knows, but what about the parents? If Arwen starts being able to have toys come to life, I would really like to know, just saying. I would like to know also so I don’t get freaked out, but anyways.  Back to this serious topic.   How about that time with the Giant on Sophia the First stepped on a bush and it was logged into his foot and Sophia and her Aunt had to pull it out.  I couldn’t even watch! I can’t watch that stuff even with my shows, which granted is more realistic, so the fact that I can’t watch that on a cartoon may be a whole other issue, oh Sophia.  After he stepped on the bush and started walking in the dirt, I mean that probably should have called for stitches, that was gross, and he probably should have had a bandage, it is now just going to get infected.  These are said thoughts, since this is all fake, there are no giants, yet I really am sad this giant is not taking proper care of himself.  Get it together sir.

Does anyone else have these thoughts run through your brain well watching kids shows?

I just put my daughter down for a nap, and I caught myself still keep the show to see how it ends.  Oh wow.  I think I should just leave this here.

That One Time When I Almost Met Ilana Wiles and Other Randomness of This Post

ALEX

Before I was a mom, I enjoyed hearing the adventures of friends or random moms who would share the woes and joys of motherhood in a humorous way.  It pretty much didn’t matter the topic, if you are funny and can make fun of things that happen I enjoy it!  Really though I didn’t get it, I just thought the deliveries of stories were terrific. I would laugh and then go home and do whatever I wanted and leave to do whatever I wanted with as much freedom as I wanted. I don’t really actually remember those days, but I am pretty sure the freedom thing happened.

I love comedy, I love it mostly because I hate to feel emotion, which I am emotionally learning to deal with and how to express it and all of that greatness (blah blah blah).  I can barely watch a Disney movie without yelling “I hate this movie,” as the tears come streaming down my face.  Like watching Inside Out, I literally hate feeling emotions, but I watched a movie about all the emotions…that darn movie took me DOWN!  Arwen actually wiped tears from my eyes and asked if I was ok.  Of course I wasn’t OK!  Those Disney movies destroy me.

Anyways, I have also always loved funny, witty people.  Don’t worry I love those who aren’t funny and witty too, but I am usually drawn for example to books that make me laugh, that are just full of wit.  I remember when Mindy Kailing came out with her first book (and then her second) I did a very embarrassing happy dance.  My husband can pretty much say he read that book too because I kept reading pieces of it out loud…pieces, that’s funny…I pretty much read the whole thing out loud because he had to enjoy the amazingness of her wit!  Although he enjoys her, he doesn’t enjoy her as much as I do, like when he is trying to sleep for instance.

All this to say, back in the day I was drawn to the comic relief of many different types of people.  I could also enjoy funny moms, but I just didn’t get it as much as I got Mindy Kailing.  Now that I am a mom, I GET IT!  Don’t get me wrong I also still very much relate with Mindy, I really mean to her humor.  One thing I can’t relate to with her is how great she looks in such loud outfits and can pull of so many different styles.  If I tried to wear half of what she wears (in her show and from what I see on social media), I am pretty sure I would be looked at with “did you wake up like that?” and not in the good way.  I really admire her for that.  This is a huge bunny trail, but in her show The Mindy Project her character ****SPOILER ALERT***** becomes a mom and I can relate to her (even before I was a mom). There is a part of one episode where she is sitting on the couch eating whatever in comfy clothes, she is trying out being a stay at home mom and she was supposed to look disheveled, but she still rocked it in my opinion. I have the disheveled look, and I do not rock it.  She is a cool mom in the show who can rock cool clothes, and well, I just cant…although I would like to. But, her humor and her humor as a mom that they show, I can relate.

When my daughter was just about to turn two, I had a friend tell me to take a look at this Instagram account called Insta2yearold.  I died.  It is from the perspective of a two year old and what the two year old is thinking.  In the midst of trying to still sort out being a mom and getting ready for a two year old myself, I needed this.  This then turned me on to Mommy Shorts and Average Parent Problems.  Each one of these Instagram accounts are run by Ilana Wiles of mommyshorts.com.  I then followed her on Facebook and then on Snapchat and it just brought extra joy to my day.  On her website she has wonderful stories of her day to day life as a mom and she also has fun interviews with different celebrity parents.  She has recently posted different videos on her YouTube channel, Mommy Shorts, about going out to eat with kids and trying to get toddlers to eat healthier choices.  I watched these videos and thought, this is why when we are invited to go out to eat I die a bit inside because this is our life.  I think next time we are invited out to eat I will just send whoever is inviting us out the videos and say  “sure, but expect this and don’t expect to eat at the place we go to ever again!” Ilana also has a Snapchat, ilanawiles, and I enjoy all the cleverness of that. She talks about lots of different things, not just kids, but she is just a funny person all around.  Her kids are awesome and just as funny as she is and she seems so down to earth and relatable, and for me personally, she has helped me find even more humor in parenting Arwen.  Because of Insta2yearold, I like to make up things in my head, sometimes out loud, of what Arwen is saying.  Now that Arwen understands more she may think I am crazy, especially if I keep making up commentary for her life until she is 18 and beyond like I am planning on doing. She and I can talk about that in her future counseling sessions.

Recently I had decided to Snapchat Ilana some things with Arwen in it and she responded!  If she ever reads this she may block me, but I just need to speak the truth.  I yelled with excitement and called my husband and one of my close friends to yell that she said something relatable to me about my video.  I could tell my husband and friend I thought I was crazy.  I realized at that very moment I was fangirling over her.

Recently I saw on Snapchat that she was in California and I was actually already planning on writing this blog just about how my life has changed, where I don’t just get excited about funny women that you see on TV and so on, but I now fan girl like a crazy person (ok not like crazy crazy) over someone that I feel can just be a comedic voice for things I am experiencing in my own life.  I thought maybe I should just contact her and see if there was any way we could meet, knowing very well that she would most likely never respond, because she is busy, and because I am a random person saying “hey, can we meet (in a deep voice)?”  Ok, there was no deep voice and that is not how I said it, but to my surprise she responded!  I had explained that she is someone who has inspired me in my daily life to find humor in the normalcy of parenting, which is actually never normal.  I don’t know if I said this, but she has inspired me in my own writing and blogging, being ok laughing at the things that happen and capturing what parenting is like.  Anyways, I asked if there was any way we could meet because I looked up to her and it would be great to say I got to meet her for this blog.  Sadly, we couldn’t make it work, but she tried so hard to find time and that meant the world to me.  Actually full disclosure (since I haven’t embarrassed myself enough in this post), I saw her response at 5am that we could try to meet and I couldn’t go back to sleep because I was so excited.  I actually woke up Chris, at 5am, he wasn’t exactly excited, but at a normal hour he was happy for me.  It was like the whole Mindy Kailing book thing all over again.

I found out that Ilana was writing a book and it will be coming out September 27, 2016, which is just three days after my birthday, FYI, and it is called, The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting.  I have been so excited for this book (I did the embarrassing happy dance for this book as well), but I can’t even imagine all of the funny that will be spewing from it.  If Chris thought I read him all of Mindy Kailing’s book, WATCH OUT!  She just announced you can pre-order it, which just saying I think everyone should.  It sounds like I am a walking commercial for this book, but I am not, I just really want to pass the joy of her funny comic relief of parenting to everyone.  

So ALL of this to say…I love funny people and I realize more and more you have to find ways to laugh and to have people set that example is extremely refreshing.  I am so thankful that I can laugh and not feel alone in the adventures of parenting, so thank you Ilana Wiles!