Arwen The Threenager: It’s a Thing. Right?! I Also Didn’t Know

untitled-design-6I feel like when I was pregnant with Arwen I was ambushed with more advice than I ever wanted.  I was told stories that I never wanted to hear (this means strangers, like people in the store, not friends that I was actually having conversations with).  I received warnings and I can’t even express how many awful stories I was told about going into labor.  I don’t know if people don’t realize this, but when you are a about to deliver, you have no choice! You can’t choose to not deliver, I mean you can, but it will be super awkward when you have a 16 year old living in your uterus. Being pregnant is just like you are on a roller coaster, once that coaster starts you can only get off when it’s over. Well unless the ride operator is really mean and keeps making you go around and around, but let’s hope that is never that case, or you will learn about changing soiled pants quickly as well, if we want to use this same metaphor for babies, but I stray. So telling all the awful stories is just making the coaster a bit more scary. I am not exactly sure why people felt I needed to really hear about the most awful things possible.  I was of course aware of the things that could happen, in fact I have my own scary story that I can ambush random strangers with.  

With all this to say. I thought I had heard every single thing that I should be prepared for whether I wanted to know it or not, until she was 14.  BUT in all the advice and stories I received, I had never heard of the “threenage” year, or that that the terrible twos was nothing compared to your child hitting three, or in our case almost three.

I was relieved when I would share my stress, and people would ask if she was almost 3, and finally they let me in on this secret that this is a stage, and I don’t need to call an exorcist. My sweet girl became a bully…to me, hitting me, threatening to stab me, leaving me in tears, where I would “tattle” on her to my husband and let him know she was mean to me, and hurt my feelings, while pointing and stomping my foot, you know, like 32 year old women do.  Not my best parenting moment, but I was so confused as to why the devil was coming out of my child.  In fact, I only had relief when I was told, this was a thing, and each stranger just covered every other age, but three, as of this point, the most scary. We are still in the “threenage” year, but I am so relieved that I don’t have to worry just yet about getting her into therapy because she is so mean…there still may be that moment, but let’s hope not.

So, I guess to be a hypocrite, I am going to give a warning that wasn’t asked for, be prepared for year three…be very prepared, hard hats, tissues, whatever you need, but the good news is, you will come out of it with just a couple of scratches. 

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Baby Hulk Came Back…For 2 Weeks!

baby-hulkcame-back-i-may-or-may-not-havehid-in-my-hallway-1In the midst of Arwen’s plans of making sure I stay humble, she decided I also needed to be destroyed, whittled down to nothing and then picked up and slammed down again.

My sweet Arwen became the baby hulk again, but full time, for two weeks straight.  Only to me, not to my husband and sadly to a couple of innocent kids.   Sadly she had a small Bible that someone gave her and she whacked our sweet friend in the face.  I was driving and had to yell “the Bible is NOT a weapon.” Not in that sense anyways.  Action was taken, but I was so horrified that she would do that.

People are just now telling me it is because she will be three and to watch my back.  I could have used that advice before I realized I need to wear a full time helmet around her. Ok I am being a bit dramatic, but really from how she usually is, it was bad. She woke up one day and was so angry, she started to hit (me really) and scream at the top of her lungs where I thought “wow the police may be stopping by.” It was all her and there was nothing I could do to calm her. She was angry because I wouldn’t let her play with sharp knives (we locked those up and away quickly) and that I didn’t want her staying in pee soaked clothes. She would run to the couch and bounce off with anger. She started wailing on me and those little fists can really hurt. We did time outs and tried to get creative on punishments and she didn’t care. I may or may not have locked myself in my hallway where I could still hear her, but cry for a bit. I may or may not have tattled on her when my husband walked in and I said how mean she was…in that moment, I seriously became five years old. My poor husband.  And when Arwen yelled at me that she was NOT my best friend, I may or may not have yelled back “Good!”  Wow.  Mature. Really Mature.  My husband on the worst day gave me a break, because obviously it was getting really bad and I had just explained how she would threaten to stab me in Target.  Excuse me??? Where did she even get that? We don’t talk like that.  Luckily I talked to my father-in-law and he explained he was teaching her to “stab” her chicken at dinner when they were watching her.  I am not a chicken!  

While I was in my own personal time out, Arwen came out to say sorry for hitting me. She ran out, whispered “sorry for hitting you,” HIT ME, and then ran back to Chris. It was lovely.

I was wondering if this was it. This was my life and maybe we need to look into some counseling for her. But all of a sudden this past weekend she woke up and was no longer baby hulk, but Arwen.  We are now reading up on strong wheeled children and how to discipline.  

That was crazy, but I am glad, at least for now…it’s over.

Arwen’s Plan to Make Sure Mom Stays Humble

Untitled design (5)We have been potty training and I think I got a bit too cocky about how we were done with diapers and how great Arwen was at not peeing the bed or having accidents. I am assuming this was a rookie mistake, but I am pretty sure Arwen looked at me and thought “nope, you are too confident about that, let me change this for you.”

She started realizing that every time she had an accident, which at this time, was NOT often she would get a bath right then and there, instead of at the end of the day.  This girl loves baths and so she started to pee herself on purpose and I caught on quickly and would just wipe her down and wait until the end of the day, or else at the rate she was going she would be in the bath all day.  Then she started to go to the toilet and instead of going in the toilet she would just pee, right there on the floor.  

I was losing my mind, because I had no idea what was going on. I really thought I caught on to her and learned my lesson from her mastermind plan of “bath all day every day and make sure mom doesn’t get to cocky,” but no, no, there was more to this lesson.  Now it is still not perfect, but at 12 am on June, 25th we discovered what was going on.  I was nervous because she was going to be staying at my in-laws so my husband and I could have a night away for our 10 year anniversary, but it all came together.  I had her go to the bathroom, but her stool wasn’t there, so I came in and she was standing facing the potty and asking for her stool so she could go standing up.  I then realized she wasn’t not making it to the potty because of the bath (well, at least not that day), instead, she was trying to stand up so that if I left the bathroom and wasn’t watching her, she could go like a boy.  

I can’t tell you the relief I felt, but then came another talk that I wasn’t totally ready to have with my two year old. I thought it would happen a bit later in life. I asked “have you been having accidents because you want to stand?” She explained how that was what was happening and she wanted to be able to stand and not sit. I then had to explain about boy and girl parts and I didn’t even laugh while doing it!  I was very proud. After explaining the boy parts, she was very upset because she wanted a boy part so she could pee standing up, I didn’t say this, but I was thinking, me too sister, me too.  She then said Ok, I want one then when I am older. I just left that there, it was midnight.

Although her masterminded plan is still a bit in force, it is better and I can at least say we got to have a nice conversation at midnight about “parts”. Every mother’s dream.