There are so many amazing outlets out there that promote how being healthy is more important than being “skinny.” There is an Instagram account I follow called “Healthy is the New Skinny,” which actually helped inspire this post. I have been following this account for a few years, and I have always loved what it promoted, and in essence I knew it was true, but even reading all of the encouraging words, and posts about just being healthy it was still hard for me to believe that for myself. After having my daughter I still was focusing more on the getting skinny part (which I was failing at), and not so much the healthy part. I would try different fads to lose weight or anything that seemed like a quick fix to losing the pounds, and clearly it wasn’t working. When I got pregnant with my son, I was at the heaviest weight I had ever been, and I was so scared of how much weight I was going to pack on because I had gained over 40 pounds with my daughter.
I was pretty sick during the first trimester with my son, so I didn’t gain much weight at all, but once I felt better I wanted to eat everything in sight. I would eat salads and fruits and veggies, but when I had a craving, which was a lot of french fries and Hot fudge sundaes to dip the fries in, I went with it. To be totally honest, this wasn’t a pregnancy craving, sundaes to dip my fries in have always been my go to, but being pregnant was my excuses to do it more. I really wasn’t even focusing on how healthy I could be, especially with this little guy growing in me.
It was when I went in for an ultrasound and the technician asked me if I had gestational diabetes because my fluid was a bit high that my eyes were opened. I let her know I hadn’t taken the test yet, and she gently encouraged me to push up my test ASAP. That ultrasound changed my life. I walked out of there and decided I was going to act as if I had gestational diabetes if I had it or not, which was pretty much just eating what was best for baby and I, mostly baby, and say no more than not when a craving for a whole chocolate cake came up. I had so many friends encouraging me, and so many friends who told me they had gestational diabetes, and what they ate when they had it. These were women who ate right and exercised and still had it, so I knew you could get it even if you were my size or a smaller size. Even with having that knowledge I knew I wasn’t doing my best for myself and I wanted to do my very best. With that I took the dreaded hour test, where you drink an awful sugary drink and give blood, and I failed. I was told to come back in a week to take the 3 hour test. That whole week I ate right and walked, and I felt so good, and I passed the test! Being on the borderline of having gestational diabetes though scared me into sticking with my plan of eating right and continually walking. Please don’t get me wrong, I still ate cake, but I actually never gave into my craving for fries and a sundae, I knew that would be a gate way for me. Just writing that part, I am impressed with myself. I really hope this isn’t coming off as a judgement to anyone, because that is not with this is intended to be, but for myself, I have struggled with eating right and not being able to say “no” to cake, fries, anything amazing and delicious. So for me, this was my wake up call of starting my journey of being healthy, and I don’t know if I would have taken it as serious if I didn’t have another life growing in me, so I am thankful for that motivation.
Boaz is now 2 months and Arwen is 5 years old. After my c-section I decided I wanted to get back into running which I had been into before my daughter. I made the mistake of texting one of my best friends Janiele saying I found a color run I wanted to do for my 35th birthday. I was texting her with the idea, thinking we will say we will do it, but as time gets closer I won’t, but I liked the idea of it. My friend Janiele had and has been working so hard on getting healthy. She was doing spin classes, and yoga, and I was proud of how healthy she was getting (and still is getting), and she truly motivated me to want to do the same, but again, I didn’t think we would actually do the run, I just wanted to look cool and suggest it. I should have known I wouldn’t get away with that with my her. She signed us up that day, and I realized I was locked in, and I for sure didn’t want to waste this opportunity, and I for sure didn’t want to look lame in front of my friend, so I knew I had to start training. So 6 weeks after my c-section I started doing a couch to 5k program.
After my first pregnancy I was saddened by my changed body, even though it gave me the best gift. This time I look at my body and see the extra skin, and the oddly shaped tummy I have, and I am not sad. Yes, I have lost weight, mostly due to the fact that Boaz loves to eat (I’m breastfeeding), and the fact that most of the weight I gained while pregnant was him. Yes, it is nice to be losing the weight, since I was at an unhealthy weight, and still am, but it’s not the weight I am the most excited about. It’s the fact that I feel healthier, and I am proud of myself for finally not taking a shortcut and realizing what is important. It’s important for me not to fit in the skinny jeans (although not going to lie, it’s up there), but to be healthy for my kids, my husband, and myself. When I look in the mirror at my body, I can see a healthier person and I see the body that gifted me two babies. This is a huge difference from after my first pregnancy, when I looked in the mirror and thought horrible things about myself. I was happy and blessed to have my daughter, but looking back I realize I was sad that I wasn’t taking care of myself on the inside and I knew I just wasn’t healthy.
This is a out of my comfort zone for me, but I am posting an image of me that my 5 year old took while I was in the dressing room in our 5th store trying to find something to fit my different shaped body for my sons dedication. Going to multiple stores because nothing fit my body used to make me sad. It would make me sad when I couldn’t find anything to wear, but now even though my body is way different then it ever was before I am not sad, a bit tired from taking two kids out of the car so many times, but not sad. I’m not sad because I see a healthier person, and I am so proud to learn how to dress my new body. Although running and working-out will help with losing weight, I am more excited to have the energy now to keep up with my little ones, especially since I am not sleeping much these days, so any tiny amount of energy is a gift.